pain

Today has been a long day. One that makes me very happy that sometimes Sir and I's plans get pushed into being a couple days late. We are having our picnic in about an hour.

I need it and I think he does too.

Last night was an adequet predecessor of this morning but he did as he always does and as no other can. He held me while I cried out all the stresses I've been locking inside as of late. But not only that he calmed me and made me feel safe with him.

I'm 11 days late on my period and thats the only thing keeping me on my feet and for the most part strong lately when he is at work while I'm not at work. the sliver of hope that maybe this month I won't catch my monthly loss of blood.

We both very much want a child but I am not allowing myself to test until Sunday morning. If the test is negative it'll just add to an already very stressed out state that won't end until after Friday night.

Sir and I are going to see my dad and his wife. The two people with most responsibility in all the majority of personality and stress disorders I've obtained over the years. Seeing them scares for the first time in almost two years scares the living crap out of me and I've been off kilter for about a week now and have only been getting worse as the day approaches.

Its these passing days im even more thankful for my Sir being there for me and being so understanding. I honestly dont believe I could make through this without him.

Im sorry for the depressing tone of this post but thats what I have for an update.

In the morning I will have a brighter post for you all and hopefully Sunday I'll have the brightest yet!

now I leave you and will relax into a book for a few moments until Sir is out from his shower and ready to pic nic.