Before Sir, sex or any sort of physical intimacy was my place to to run to with any random man or female who was was even slightly attractive if i was hurting emotionally. so how strange it has been that this past week any show of intimacy from him would put me off so badly.
i havent wanted anyone else since ive had him. well not in a theraputic or restless way that is. i mean i think we all have the fantacies of bringing in a man or woman and sharing the room with them here or there. but these past few days i dont want that. i didnt even want my Sir to kiss me or hold me because it would hurt emotionally. my pschie was associating all intimacy with the loss of our son.
After a couple fumbled attempts to force the sex(through my consent of course) i was about ready to give up on it entirely until the idea of sex stopping hurting on its own completely.
he gave me time to stop crying and just breathe. to escape into my own head for awhile and let someone else take over the speaking while i just sat inside of myself thinking and breathing.
he gave me the time to talk to a Girl that means the world to me and who going through the same thing right now from the miscarriage to her emotional handling of it. when i came back to him i was ready for kisses and touches but nothing more. i was ready for him to hold me and protect me and to hold him as well. this is in no way easy for my Sir.
when i came back to him he gave me a little while then asked if id like to be flogged.
i found that an odd offer at first then realized i used to ask him for that when i was too upset to deal with the emotions. My Sir remembered that and was offering me a way of dealing without him being overly intimate.
i agreed to it but then requested we try something new to see how i like it. ive been wondering if quick rough floggings could get me off like his usual floggings and spanking which start out gentle and build up to the rough stuff. turns out...not such a big fan of the sudden over the top sting. although the lighter hits afterward did feel a bit more tingly than usual so maybe its an aquired taste? maybe ill have him try again in the future.
after he had finnished and was confident in the fact that i was finnished, he asked "how are you feeling"
one word to wrap it all up. one word i didnt expect to feel anytime in the near future. "relaxed"
during the flogging he had put my collar and leash on me to pull me how he wanted my body positioned for particular hits. now as i attempted to lay down expecting him to cuddle me, he took out a silk slash and tied up my hands then cuffed my ankles and blind folded my eyes.
that man teased and tortured my body like never before. the combination of the intensity of need for this and him making sure he re accustomed every inch of me to allowing his touch was just beyond words amazing. when any other man would have allowed me to curl up into a ball in the darkest recesses of my own mind and not come back out, My Sir despite being in the place he is inside of his own emotions, forced me back out and showed me what a true man in love and a caring Dominant really can do. i love this man like no other before him. and no other that will come after him.