Monday, October 21, 2013

day1 attempted friendship

Slowly things are sliding back into place. I still love him of course. I will always love him.

He went to his meeting at the naval station the arrived home around 2.
I was annoyed and snappy as I thought he'd be back at 12. He took my cuts in calm breath and kept himself together though. Composure. A lesson a could certainly do to learn.
After he walked away I sat there and took a deep breath "stop it. You are over reacting again. He couldn't control this. Breathe. Calm down. Be happy its your birthday! Smile. Ok. I've got this"  I stood ready to go and apologize, if today was any hint, we BOTH had a lot to work on.
We soon after headed to the car and the rode to the mall(not much money this week, $26 to my name to be exact so yeah....) to walk around and people watch as well as not so secretly building up our Christmas lists for each other. Even if we are only friends when the time comes we will still gift each other well.
There were a few moments for both of us when wed slip and call each other baby or baby girl, in his case.
A few moments where I know we both wanted to cry and just get list in each other but we knew it would be unhealthy if we allowed it.
Around 6 pm we headed to WalMart and grabbed a cheese cake to bring down to the creek and eat together...i cried my eyes out at one point during this...

around 8 we headed home. Apparently he told the people we are staying with that it's my birthday(I dont find it to be that big of a deal amongst all else that is goibg on so I didn't tell anyone)  because after being home for about half an hour he was called out the room and then i was too "come here please. Clay said this sis t his mess so it must be yours? Clean it up please"
"im sorry" i said walking over while trying to think of what mess I'd have left...only there was no mess but a cake instead. They all wished me happy birthday and again i had to hold back tears.

We returned to the room after sharing the cake and a few gleeful words and jokes as well as my own hugs and "thank you so much"es.

We tried to watch a movie together and behave but for some reason we kissed and i couldn't break from him i wanted it to never end. Wanted to kiss him until everything was normal again. We broke for a moment only to kiss again. This time it was certain that kiss was not ending. My hands were everywhere despite how fiercly he fought to not touch me  inappropriately.
At one point my hand stopped wandering in innocent places stopped groping his ass and slipped into his wait and to brush his cock. he wimpered and i quickly removed my hand. This was a bad idea. We couldn't do this! So why then was it still impossible for me to untangle myself from him? Why everytime that he started to pull away i clung to him and kept him on me. My hand found its way back down his pants and this time he embraced it.
"are we really doing this?" i asked a tinge of fear lacing my breath
"no." he said "we dont have to"
"i want to." and ith that we were lost. I pinned his hands and took him he let me bind his hands and later his ankles. We were completely lost in each other

After we through and laying there breathless but calmed some i whispered "what are we going to no. This changes nothing. We cant just jump back in like that. We are only friends right now" he agreed. Thank goodness because in that moment i had no fight left in me not even for our own good.

He took his blindness as well as chose to stay bound and i led him to his bed on the floor to rest as i laid on the real bed.

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