Saturday, October 5, 2013

greed and lust

Inside I feel the days counting down. Each day, one more I have spent with Sir but one less until the day he leaves me for the military.
I've been greedy and im getting more so. I want him with me in every moment. Crave his touch, his love, his words, his presence at a constant. I know this will only make it harder to fathom his departure and harder more so to function with out him.
I want even his punishments more so before he leaves so I have more to cling to while he is gone. Well...perhaps not so much as a punishment as a flogging, spanking, ride crop session, bindings and more pushed to every limit and further until he leaves so that in some way I can feel stronger when he leaves from me.
I haven't explained this to him yet, the exact reasons and desires behind my greed.
I know I should but such discussions only bring abput sadness. The pain of knowing that for the first time since our paths have merged we will be apart for an extended period of time and not just apart but without communication.
Sure there will be letters written but it's not the same as a face to face interaction. When a relationship becomes an LDR even video meetings are so painfully different from the accustomed face to face, hand to hand, body to body, mouth to and encounters.
You dont take into account how much you take having him with you and serving him and pleasing him for granted until you are promised to lose that....
I've built my entire day to day joys and plans around loving and pleasing him....what will I do without will I find joy when I will have no ways of bringing hum joy for two straight months only to hold hum again for a week and then lose him again for an unsigned amount of time?
I also fearful to kniw a life without him...

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