Last night we had him on the bed and my self sleeping on the floor.
i strongly believe that every relationship and argument has two sides. I also feel that lately hes been doing well at trying to do better and i haven't been trying hard enough. I feel like if i was trying hard enough itd be more evident and i wouldn't be so bitchy and snappy still. So i asked to be punished last night.
I was asked the question "are you seeking out confrontation with him" prior to the co concreting of this decision.
My answer was as i honestly believed at the moment "no" but i also noticed that i tqitched when saying that
"conciously, no i haven't...but i twitched upon saying that...so maybe subconciously i have been"
I realized in that moment that I've been doing this week the same thing i do in every relationship over reacting and attacking him for no reason but my own insecurities.
"do you want to be punished?"
I was offered blindness, being bound, as well as punishment flogging and sleeping on the floor. I agreed to all of them and told Sir to get onto the bed that tonight he would only be blind. I told him that i was vi ding my own hands but he offered to do that for me.
i took also as my punishment, giving hum head and not allowing myself to enjoy the act. Instead i had to deep throat hum majority of the time doing it as well as reminding my self that this sweet skin, this beautiful body and the man it belonged to have been the target of my unjust attacks. Reminding myself that i was pushing someone so delicious away from myself. That instead of this pleasure o had been giving him instead pain.
After he came i took my flogging on my back and ribs.
Then layes on my back ontoo of the welts forcing myself to further insure the pain and punishment. Before laying down i took the blindfold so as to endure the blindness.
I was to keep the blindfold on until Sir was ready to be awake himself. Then and only then was allowed to see again .
Tonight i think i will again sleep blind on the floor.
Currently i am thinking of having another physical punishment before bed tonight.