Saturday, October 19, 2013

scales of justice

im debating on rather or not i want to leave that last post public. but either way, here is the partial resolution to the situation.
i eventually wandered over to my bosses house and told her everything that happened last night and waited it out over there until i was calmer. i still didnt know weather or not  wanted to go home and try to reason with him. i had no idea if he was still in this weird violent mood or not nor did i know what caused it. thats what scared me the most is the flip of a switch to turn him to such n aggressive, scary mess.

i suppose he knew at some point i'd go to her because an hour after arriving myself, here he is at the door. my boss looked at me in a silent question "are you ready?" if i wasnt then he want coming in or even having the door opened.
i took a big breath and nodded. this is the man i love. this is the man im supposed to be marrying. i have to find out what caused this. i have to know if its going to be came a cycle.

"baby girl im sorry. i dont know what happened. can we talk please."
"on the porch. im not talking to you in private"
"ok" he had tears in his eyes. thtas a scary change.
kind sweet amazing dom only causing pain when i want or deserve it. only in a controlled way.
flip a switch.
aggressive frightening unstable man. not my dominant. scary. not afraid to slap and punch and strangle me.
flip a switch.
soft broken man. crying. begging.
i told him to wait outside and id be there in a moment...told my boss to please listen incase i screamed. i didnt know what hed do or if there was another switch coming and i didnt want to find out alone. she agreed and periodicly even stuck her head out the door to see that i was ok. i was so greatful. finally i felt safe again for a few moments.

eventually we talked enough for me to agree to come home under strict conditions.
1) i am not his and nor is he mine.
2)we are not to be alone together at any point.
-if we are the only two people in the house at any moment then we are to be in opposite rooms until further notice
-if we are both in our room, we do not ocupy the same space, ie one on the bed the other on the floor.
-our door is to ALWAYS be open until further notice.
3) we are both to remain clothed around each other.
4)i am always to have a phone on me so i can call for help
5) i am always to be closer to the door than he is
6) no pet or title names. we use only our real names to address each other
7) not my rule but i was in the end greatful for, he was to be made blind until 20 minutes after waking up. originally it was 10 minutes but he woke up early. he bound for most of the night and to sleep on the floor. these were rules set by someone much above him and who is always to honor and respects wishes and rules.
8) our relationship is not to continue as anything more than friends until i am confident that what happened yesterday will not happen again.

1) he is to never lay an aggresive hand on me again unless i ask for it or it is in the pretense of sexual exploration.
2) when ever an argument arises we are to walk away until BOTH are calm again not just him. this has been my rule from the beggining but now will be followed.
3) we are to only discuss and debate on the topic the original argument was on. ie if we are in disagreement on how something was done we talk only of that matter rather than switching into the usual "you always this you always that. why can you ever just ____"
4) when im upset with him i have to start allowing him to touch me gently rather than completely pulling away as ive always done with everyone in times of distress.
5) he will eventually become my husband. he will eventually be reinstated as my dominant. how ever in the case of an argument we are not D/s we are of equal power standing.
6) we are to treat each other with upmost respect at all times possible!
7) i am to work on breaking all of my negative habits and so is he.


  1. I read your last post, was intending to comment when i had time, then you posted this.

    I feel so sorry for what your going through, but it seems you both want to work through this, you want it to work, its going to take time...i think you know that.

    Perhaps going back to the beginning and re-starting is a good thing, because you can learn from previous mistakes.

    big hugs


    1. *hugs tight*
      Its difficult to start from the beginning but I know thats the only way we can co tinue on in a healthy manner. It was so hard a few time today not to just break down crying and run up and kiss him and tell him hes mine again. But I know thats be an awful decision for both of us so for the next 5 days we have to maintain this stature of only being friends and then from there I decide if we take a step further or need more time in this level...
      You are right I very much want to work through this and I can see in his eyes ge does too. I only hope that im strong enough to go through with this all in a way that is beneficial to both of us